Goodbye Austin

Everytime I visit Austin, my sister tries to get some nice shots of the kids together. Everytime I visit Austin, Ella gets sick and is incapable of posing for said photos. See that damn snack trap? Wouldn't put it down or screamed bloody murder which made snot come out of her at an alarming rate. Since I'm the brains in the family, I suggested that we use the model home that my sister works in to take some photos. Cole does not look his best...that's because at about 4 in the morning, he would be puking his guts out...

This was our most unsuccessful photo shoot to date.

Little Miss Sunshine!

Of course, if she was in my arms she was happy, that was until she ran out of snacks.

Last night I gave drinking another try and had 4 beers and felt...almost nothing? I think that's why I used to go from sober to wasted so fast in my youth. I don't have that middle "buzz" phase. Oh well, maybe I'm not meant to be a boozer.

Obviously Cole is feeling a lot better this morning as he entertains Ella. Why do I have her near him you ask? Well Kerry thinks that Cole caught the flu from Ella but I think otherwise. She puked a few times a week ago. I don't think it would take that long to catch it.

Last night we went to the mall to pick out the boys' xmas presents from me. DISASTER! Blake wanted $200 dollar ipod headphones. Cole wanted Grand Theft Auto (rated M for mature) and Aidan wanted The Biggest Loser for xbox. We spent an hour at Gamestop looking at games and went into various sporting goods stores. We left hours later and now I'm just writing the two little ones a check and I contributed to Blake's headphones. On the way home, Kerry was calling Ella, "my baby." Cole told Kerry that she shouldn't call her that because Ella is Kelly's baby. I said that I didn't mind sharing Ella with Kerry and Aidan says, "does that make you lesbians?" Never a dull moment. Until next time...

Ladies Night & Snake Farm

So Saturday the girls head downtown for some drinks and dancing. We bar hopped a bit. We went to this awesome bar that had a glass bottomed dance floor with sharks floating underneath your feet as you dance. After 11 years of not drinking, I had my first two beers. And guess what? No buzz. Nothing. But I didn't got into anaphalectic shock so that was a plus. We ended the night at a gay bar and danced our butts off. My sister is like a man magnet and attracted the only straight guy in the whole gay bar. On Sunday we head to The Snake Farm. The nice thing about ipod touches is they keeps your kids busy and quiet in the car. Until their batteries die and they want to use your phones.

We drove an hour to get there and paid 10 bucks a person to get in and it looks like one of those places you drive by and say, "who the heck stops there?" Well we do. We found out later that an episode of the show, Dirty Jobs, was filmed there.

And it was depressing. Inside they had alligators, crocodiles, turtles and snakes of every kind and they were all in small ass cages and tanks.

These snakes weighed a few hundred pounds each and were almost 20 feet long. One of the workers got bit by one earlier in the day.

Outside there were various birds like chickens and geese just walking around. This gang of geese came around a corner bitching at us to get out of their way.

We really started to get depressed when we saw wolves, hyenas, and owls caged in crummy habitats. After our exotic animal tram ride the day before, the petting zoo at this place was pretty low key. Just a llama and a bunch of goats.

When we got back inside, I asked an employee if he'd take a snake out for the kids to hold. He brought out a ball python just like the two we have at my work.

Blake held it right away but Cole had to be coaxed into holding it. When I told him that Ella had one around her neck before, he relented and held it. Now he wants one as a pet! Aidan would barely touch the thing.

Barbie looks like Miss America holding up her trophy.

Of course, on the way home from the snake farm we passed the outlets so we had to stop at the Pottery Barn/William Sonoma outlet.

The Exotic Resort Zoo

Friday was pretty uneventful. Kerry, Michael, Ella and I went to lunch. She continued to be sick and not herself.

During Ella's nap, Kerry, Aidan and I took the motorcycles out for another spin. Earlier that day, Kerry was complaining to Joey because he was riding one and fell over. She was telling him how he could ruin the bikes. Well guess who's words came back to bite her in the ass? She fell off and was laughing so hard that some pee came out.

We made poor Aidan ride the old motorcycle that's super slow while we took off ahead. We're such jerks.

Here's the blender that Kerry bought at the grocery store...for fifteen bucks...I told her that a fifteen dollar grocery store blender is probably not a great idea and she replied, "All I wanna do is make smoothies." Well what do you think people typically make with blenders? Well guess what broke after two uses? Kerry thinks that I willed it to break but that's just crazy ;)

I have to give my sister props for being a great cook. She is always very accommodating to the vegetarian and comes up with some delicious meals. But I also have to call her out...I was chopping up garlic for this dish and Kerry went to the door to buy 8 more boxes of girl scout cookies. She comes back and picks up all my garlic with her bare hands and I scream, "you handled money!!! That's the germiest stuff out there!" I guess I'm more like my mother than I realize.

On Saturday after Cole's basketball game, we head to the Exotic Resort Zoo in Johnson City. I'd like to say a few words about moms at basketball games. It's nice that you're interested in your kid's sports and I appreciate you cheering and stuff but when you start calling out traveling and fouls you've crossed the line. Or how bout when you're telling your kid to steal the ball? Listen ladies, there are coaches and refs for that kind of stuff. Unless you wanna coach, you should just cheer on the sidelines! While waiting for the tram ride, we hung out with the goats at the petting zoo.

My sister is such a copy-cat!

So here's the deal. You buy these giant buckets of animal feed and you ride on this open tram. The animals follow you and even stick their giant heads in the tram to get to your delicious food. Did you ever have a bison try to kiss you?

Do you see that tongue? I had nightmares about that tongue...

Ella was still a little sick but she loved all the animals.

Kerry's kids had no fear.

Twins?

After the ride we took our leftover feed back to the petting zoo where we got to hang out with baby goats so fresh that they still had umbilical cords and the afterbirth was still laying around. Cole is so sweet and gentle with the animals. He carried around that baby goat forever.

This brought me back to my days of breastfeeding.

We all loved this goat because he reminded us of Otis.

Dance party

Last night we wound down with some yoga. You know yoga, that thing that's supposed to be relaxing. Well when you've got a bunch of fools farting all over each other, it becomes less relaxing but we sure had some laughs. Kerry decided to teach the little bird some moves this morning.

After yoga, we head to lunch because that's what we do best. The bird ate NOTHING at lunch. Not the grilled cheese and fries I ordered her. Not the shrimp I had. Not the wrap Kerry had. Not even the pretzels or fruit I packed her. Not a damn thing. The sweet waitress even snatched some oranges from the bar and Ella refused them because you know, they're orange!

My nephew Cole is quite the ladies man and had a couple of chicks over after school.

While making dinner we had a dance party in the kitchen. I was showing Aidan some moves cuz you know I'm a professional. At one point the music was super loud and raunchy and someone was at the door. My sister is yelling at us as she's walking to answer the door, "turn the music down and act normal!" The funny thing is that the person at the door could totally hear her.

The happy couple ;)

I decided to put some rubber bands in my nephews hair to make them look more gangster.

The bird's dance moves leave something to be desired. She basically spins around in a circle over and over again.

Later, my brother and Michael go out to The Nutty Brown for some drinks and live music while we stay home with the kids and play Kinects. That shit is hard and what a workout.

Here's me doing the long jump. I was running so fast that I thought my colon was going to fall out.

After we put all the little ones to bed, my sister, my oldest nephew and me had some chats about chicks and stuff. I will not repeat the advice that we provided because it was probably totally wrong.

As I'm sitting her now, my sister was telling me that when she went to the doctor for her "itchy beast" they told her to eat more yogurt. My nephew looks at her funny and says, "is that your ta-ta?" OMG is all I can say.

And finally, my sister just told me that my mom called to say that her and my dad are really enjoying their alone time together (cuz Joey is here). Blake raises his eyebrows and with a funny look on his face says, "what the heck does that mean?" Well, he is 13 now.

Gotta go because we have some serious TV watching to do.