33 Weeks or So they want a stool sample...

I had my 33 week appointment today. I met with the only doctor I hadn't met. She was an odd bird. I broached the subject of maternity leave. I was shot down by the other female doc in the practice when I asked if I could get a doctor's note to get out of jail, I mean school, two weeks before my due date.

Me: I've been feeling really tired and run-down.
Her: That's normal.
Me: How long am I expected to work until?
Her: Until your due date.
Me: But I'm a preschool teacher. I'm on my feet all day, there is a lot of activity, up and down...
Her: It is our practice's policy not to write doc notes.
Me: But I'm all swollen and it's harder and harder to work.
Her: Sorry but that is our policy.
Me: Huh, but this girl I work with just got a note from her doc for swelling and shortness of breath.
Her: We are monitored very closely for fraud.

I should have mentioned at this point my fear of my water breaking in front of the young, impressionable children. Instead I mentioned my plethora of bowel movements. For about the last month I've been going 2 to 4 times per day. That's all I'll report to you people. Well immediately she's concerned, "When do you go? What is it like? How many meals a day..."
Next she informs me that I'll need to collect a stool sample.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Why am I so upset??????????????????????????????????????????????













Because I need to get the instructions and materials from the really cute blood guy! When I looked to Buzz he had a sly smirk on his face. We left the room and headed towards the blood guy.

But wait, there is someone in his chair. The doc tells me to go wait in the waiting room and she'll bring me the stuff. Saved from humiliation. Sweet Jesus. Buzz leaves and I sit up front, smugly enjoying a magazine.

A few minutes later...here comes the doc, her hands are empty! She tells me to follow her and we head right back to the blood guy's territory where he is waiting for me with an at-home stool collection kit. I will not go into details on the collecting of poop but do know that I was completely red-faced and wanted to die. The sad thing is that to him, I'm just some random pregnant chick whose blood he's constantly collecting because of my thyroid issues.