Dogs for Sale

Greta Evitie Abba

Age: Unknown

Breed: Unknown

This dog needs constant attention. If you're not petting her she will burrow into your body. She enjoys pooping and peeing in the house, attacking other dogs while on leash and releasing her anal glands at inopportune times. She also barks at every thing that walks by the house. All day long. Recently she has a bladder infection so she's been peeing EVERY day inside the house. If let off leash, she will run away and not come back until she's injured. When you're gone, she sits on your pillow with a treat-filled Kong. She likes to chew underwear, dirty bibs and the armpits of men's undershirts. She jumps on people when they come over with her giant claws. She once ate a couch. She looks at Buzz likes she wants to kill him.

Who wouldn't want this dog?

Otis Van Nostrand Truman Capoteclause
Age: 7 years old
Breed: Vizsla
This dog has psychological issues. He is afraid of thunderstorms, fire-works, fire-places, gum-popping, certain children's toys, and most recently wind. By afraid I mean that he becomes destructive and claws at doorways and vents until the carpet and pad is gone and he is bleeding from his paw pads, oh and pissing all over the house. This has progressed into separation anxiety and he will now constantly cry and whine if he can't get to you. He raids the neighbors' garbages and has been know to steal a pork chop right off of a kitchen table - at a neighbor's house! He eats everything and anything right in front of you if you're not careful including entire cheese balls, whole loaves of bread, pizza and home-made caramels. He is crabby at the dog park and will snap at wild dogs if they rush him. He cries in the car. If not contained in the car, he will jump in your lap while you're driving, even if you're 9 months pregnant. He weighs 60 pounds! He destroys various household items like Sonicare toothbrushes and baby bottles. He humps other dogs.
I mean who wouldn't want these two prize dogs? Luckily I've found a new use for them and that is hoovering up food messes that I don't know how to begin to clean. But actually, the mess is their fault because twice recently I've fallen flat on my ass with food due to Otis' water drips throughout the kitchen.

It will be tough for young Ella to do anything worse than these too hound dogs!